A Wonderful Refresher

God is so unbelievably amazing.

It doesn't matter what I've done in my past, he always forgives me and continues to bless me in all parts of my life. He comes through for me time and time again.

Quite recently, I had been in a place in my life of depression. I am quite confident that everyone reaches this point at least once in their life. However, I now feel that I may have dwelt in that place for quite a long time. Since about the age of 12, I have been fighting many demons of my own. Ranging from self injury (cutting) to eating disorders to suicide attempts, I was living in a dark place.

Through all of this, I have remained ambitious and was fortunate enough to be accepted into my dream school. This dream school just happens to be outlandishly expensive. I spent about 4 days crying and depressed over the fact that I may not be able to get the money to follow my dreams. I applied for numerous student loans and just kept have mine and my co-signer's credit denied. I was actually looking for community colleges who would take rolling admission. I even started pondering other ways to raise money including stripping and selling my prescription drugs.

In the middle of sobbing one day, a small voice came to me. These were not physical words of sound but just as real and comforting. I cannot cite exactly what was said, but that welcomed interruption to my tears compelled me to pick up the rose colored Bible on my floor and turn to the book of Psalms.

I read the first three chapters. I then knew that whatever happened from here on out was in God's hands. I then gained enough strength to continue applying for loans. I went to Chase Student Loans out of pure faith. I didn't doubt that God could get my step-mom's credit approved, but I knew that if the credit was approved it was all Him. Well, my credit WAS approved!

The sobbing started again. These were tears of peace and joy.

This all occurred about a 4 days ago. Since then I have been searching to strengthen my relationship with Him once more. I have been reading at least three chapters of Psalms every morning when I first wake up. It is doing wonders in my life. I have handed my eating disorder over to God and know that he is the only one who can help me through it. I am now searching for the Lord in every aspect of my life.

I may have a long journey ahead of me. I will travel this journey though. If I can inspire or anyone through this blog it would be so much more than I could have asked for. I would also deeply appreciate any feedback and friendship offered.

God bless you all.